


Choking on Words

by InvisibleAce



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Band as a Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Real Events, Not Beta Read, Self-Esteem Issues, Speech Disorders, The boys really love Julie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27544072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvisibleAce/pseuds/InvisibleAce
Summary: Julie got a job in retail and she doesn't really mind it. There's just one thing that makes it difficult sometimes: hard customers and when her stutter acts up.OrJulie stutters. When a customer mocks her for it, she shuts down. Luckily, the boys are there to help.
Relationships: Julie Molina & Alex, Julie Molina & Reggie, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 10
Kudos: 296





	Choking on Words

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda a vent fic? Yesterday at work a customer (a grown ass woman, mind you) mocked me over the phone because of my stutter. The way Julie feels in this is how I personally feel about my own stutter. I'm not claiming that this is how everyone who does have one feels, it's just me personally. 
> 
> Side note, when there's a '--' before a word, it's a word getting 'blocked' in Julie's throat. So there's a pause before it. 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!!

Julie didn’t mind working retail, she actually enjoyed it most days. She got to talk to customers and listen to whatever zany stories they had. Her coworkers were really nice too. They were beyond funny and slowly becoming like a second little family to her. 

Today was like any other day. She headed for work right after school with the promise of rehearsing with the guys as soon as she got home. Luke was confused on why she went and got a job, it’s not like her dad was forcing her to and she had the band to focus on, but he quickly got over it when Julie started bringing home snacks. Her dad seemed proud almost when she mentioned over dinner that she was looking for a small part time job just to get some experience and save up some money. 

While her dad didn’t mind paying for everything, she still felt bad. When it came to instrument repairs, it could add up. Julie knew they were well off but it felt like something she should start taking care of, since the boys couldn’t do it themselves. For obvious reasons. 

Well, maybe not so obvious. Since the Orpheum and, to quote Reggie,  _ the hug to end all hugs _ , the three of them could be seen by others. They were alive again but still had all the same ghost abilities from before. It gives her a headache if she thinks about it too long. She remembers cuddling with Luke in the living room the night of the Orpheum and suddenly, where it was silent in his chest, came a heartbeat. 

She may or may not have cried when she heard it. Her boys were real -  _ solid _ \- and they weren’t going anywhere. Her dad was a little confused at first, at the three random boys suddenly living in the studio, but he let them stay since they helped get his daughter back. Besides, Carols was  _ beyond _ excited about getting to hang out with Reggie all the time, who shared the same sentiment. 

She cried at that too. 

Anyways. Work! 

Julie got there in record time, clocked in and dawned her apron in style. She waved to her fellow coworkers in hello before getting to work. It was a small store, a local gift store catering to literally any life event. It got a decent amount of foot traffic but there were a few regular customers, coming almost daily. 

She was in the middle of putting out some stock when the phone rang. She looked over at the counter and saw that everyone else was busy. With a sigh, she headed towards the phone and answered quickly, wanting to get the phone call over it. Answering phones was the one thing she didn’t like about her job and there's mainly just one reason why: her stutter. 

Most days she was fine. She could talk rapid fire and not once falter but some days, for what seemed like no reason, she couldn’t even get a word out without getting stuck on a syllable. It had come back with a vengeance when her mom had died, playing into the reason why she hardly spoke to anyone besides Flynn. Everyone else would just get fed up or try to finish her sentences for her and she  _ hated _ that. She was perfectly capable of putting a sentence together, thank you very much. Just give her a moment. 

It was one thing to talk to someone in person and have it happen. The pauses as she tried to force the words out, or having to switch to a different word that was easier, were still awkward but the customer could see what was happening. One the phone it was just silence as she tries not to panic and tries to force the word out, jaw clenched and hurting. 

Nine times outta ten it goes smoothly. Most of the calls are just people asking what their hours were or if they had a certain item. Easy peasy. Nothing Julie couldn’t handle. Those calls were hardly a minute long. The other times it was a problem customer. Right off the bat everything you do is wrong and they demand answers about certain items or how come you didn’t have a certain item as if it was a personal attack. 

Unfortunately, it was the rare occasion that a nasty and overall unhappy customer with a stick up their butt was on the other end of the phone. Julie had barely gotten a hello in before they were going off about whoever rang them up didn’t take off her two dollar coupon and it was unacceptable. Julie knew, no matter what she told the woman, that nothing would satisfy her. 

That she was just calling to be a problem and ruin someone's day. Usually, those kinds of people don’t get to her. When working in customer service, you learn to let things roll off your back. Most things just aren’t worth the fight. Julie was in the middle of apologizing to the other woman, nervously rubbing her palm with the fingers of her free hand, when all her words got stuck in her throat. 

It’s the best way she could describe it. It felt like there was something blocking the words from leaving her mouth, getting stuck in her throat and sitting there. The more she focused on trying to get them out, the more wedged they got. She would open and close her mouth, tensing her jaw and ducking her chin to her chest in attempts to get the words out. It left her breathless and embarrassed. She felt she looked like an idiot half the time, standing there unable to get a simple word out, contorting her face in strange ways just so she could speak choppily. 

The worst, oh my  _ god _ , the worst was when the repeating of the same syllable or word happened. Over and over again. Not meaning too but not being able to stop until the actual word or sentence was said. Julie would cut herself off most of the time, filling the silences with “ums” or “ahs” as she tried to think of a new way to say what she wanted. In a lot of ways, it made her sound unintelligent and she hated it. She had to simplify her vocabulary most days to avoid stuttering. Fewer syllables meant a lesser chance of stuttering. 

Like she was currently, the words wedged in her throat. She made herself stop and take a breath, taking notice of the silence that was hanging over the phone, the customers' complaints still unanswered. She cleared her throat and tried again but, surprise surprise, she was stuck on the first letting of the word, saying the sound at least five times in a row. 

“Spit it out already!” The customer snapped. Julie felt herself flush. “Are you unable to talk like a normal human being? Put the manager on.” 

Wordlessly, Julie did as she was told. Christine, her manager and work mom, looked confused as she was handed the phone with no explanation. She looked between Julie’s face, the phone and then back again. She frowned in sympathy as she connected the dots. Julie looked down at her feet as she quickly walked away, back towards her original work with setting up a display. 

The rest of her shift was spent in silence, forcing tears back as her frustration with herself grew. Why couldn’t she just have a normal speech pattern? Sure everyone stumbles over their words, and stutters when nervous, but most people don’t have to plan a sentence in their head minutes before they have to say it and think of backup words if the original ones are too hard to say. It was embarrassing. It’s the one thing she truly hated about herself. Most days she wishes she could just be mute but, alas, talking was necessary. Especially with Luke, Alex and Reggie. 

Julie didn’t plan on talking again today. Not if she could help it. 

* * *

When she got home she snuck inside. She could hear some kind of noise coming from the studio. There were sounds of instruments being played followed by loud laughs and talking. Something twisted in her chest. She could join them. She was supposed to. The three of them were waiting on her to get home but she didn’t have it in her to open her mouth. She doubts anything understandable would come out anyway. 

She headed for her room, not bothering to change as she let her backpack fall to the floor and flopped face first onto her bed. Her dad had smiled at her as she came in, asking about her day which she stopped long enough to answer with a shrug before booking it upstairs. She could hear Carlos in his room, probably talking to his friends while playing video games. Julie tried not to be jealous of how smoothly her brother's words were coming out. She rolled into her side, reaching behind her to grab a pillow to hug to her chest. 

Julie didn’t often shut into herself, not since her mom died but Flynn was always there to pull her back out before she could go too far. She could text her friend, knowing she’d be here in a heartbeat, but then that would involve talking and explaining what was wrong. Julie didn’t have in her to listen to her best friend, as fast as a talker she was, say things without tripping over her words. It might be childish, and a little selfish, but she didn’t care at the moment. She just wanted today to be over with.

The customer's words rang in her ears, the judgment and mockery that was held in them. She closed her eyes against the threat of tears. She really shouldn’t be letting some strangers' careless comments get to her like that. Julie knew herself. She knew, as choppy as her speech could be, that there's people that wanted to listen to her. And oh, once she starts singing, she’s unstoppable. Singing was the only time she never had to worry about stuttering. The words came out of her so smoothly, a beautiful and steady stream, but that wasn’t enough right now.

The first time it happened in front of the boys, Julie got flustered but kept going. She couldn’t recall the conversation, just that the word-jam happened in her throat and there were moments of silence as she tried to speak. Not once did the boys try to finish her sentence for her though, or supply the word. They sat patiently as if it wasn’t happening and was completely normal. They didn’t make fun of it either. They didn’t throw it back in her face followed by laughter. They simply waited. It made Julie feel normal for once. 

Knocking on her door drew her attention away from her thoughts. She knew it was the boys. It had to be. She knew they would come looking for her eventually, she just hoped it would've been a little bit longer and she would be asleep. But she did ditch them without an explanation. Oh shit. They’re gonna be worried and ask questions. Questions that involved verbal answers. 

Was it too late to pretend to be asleep? 

“Julie?” Came Luke’s voice. “You in there?” 

“Clearly she is, the lights on,” Alex commented. “Maybe she has her headphones in or something.” 

“Do we go in?” Reggie asked. “Do you think she’ll get mad?” 

Julie found herself smiling a little at that but no, she wouldn’t be. As much as she didn’t want to talk, just hearing their voices made her realize how much she didn’t want to be alone right now. 

“We’ll deal with that later if she does. She didn’t show up to rehearsal so something must be wrong,” Luke finalized before the door handle twisted and three of them walked in. 

Ever since becoming human again, they’ve taken to favoring doing the human way of things, such as opening doors instead of phasing through it. Julie would bet that they took the stairs, even walking from the studio to the house. 

“Hey Jules,” Luke waved. He headed towards the bed as Alex shut the door behind them. “Sorry for barging in but you didn’t answer. When you didn’t show at rehearsal we got worried.” 

“Everything okay?” Alex added on, taking a seat at the foot of the bed. 

Julie just shrugged, hugging the pillow tighter to her chest. Luke frowned, moving so he was kneeling next to the bed, eye level with Julie. Reggie joined Alex at the bottom and made it his job to take Julie’s shoes off. She looked over at him, hoping her smile looked as thankful as she felt, before turning back to Luke. 

She knew she was a goner as soon as she looked at him. His worry and concern was on clear display, looking like it truly mattered to him whether or not Julie was okay. Her chest tightened again. She was too afraid to talk. She didn’t want to jumble her words and look like an idiot. 

“Bad day?” Luke asked quietly, continuing his line of questioning when Julie nodded. “Because of work?”

Another nod and Reggie groaned. “I totally get it. I had a part time job at Blockbuster and people were so mean sometimes,” A hand squeezed her ankle. “Sorry you have to deal with mean people.” 

Julie frowned at the idea of Reggie having to deal with rude customers. He isn’t one for confrontation, always wanting to make sure everyone is happy and taken care of. That kind of personality would be great for customer service but there’s those types of customers who would walk all over someone like that. Protection flared in her chest, even though it’s been at least twenty-five years since it’s happened. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Alex asked quietly. 

_ Yes,  _ Julie’s mind supplied. She did want to talk about it but that would involve opening her mouth and who knows what would come out. Sometimes, when she forces the words out they come out in a higher volume than expected. It always makes people look at her. She isn’t sure if they’re looking because of the random burst of noise or because they think she's a freak. It’s definitely the first one but her mind isn’t letting herself think otherwise. 

_ Spit it out already! _

The tears she was trying so hard to hold back spilled over. She sucked in her lower lip and buried her head into the pillow she was holding. Hopefully Luke didn’t see them. It was a loss cause though, seeing that her shoulders starting shaking and Luke let out a surprise noise. There was a hand on her shoulder, squeezing tight. She felt the bed behind her dip with someone's weight and a hand was moving the hair out of her face. 

“Jules?” Luke asked, anxiety lining his voice. “Please talk to us. What happened?” 

“It’s nothing,” She mumbled, feeling silly for crying over it. In the grand scheme of things, one rude customer isn’t the end of the world, even if it was a dig at something you can’t seem to change about yourself. “I’m f-fine.” 

With a groan of frustration, Julie sat up and wiped at her eyes. The tears didn’t seem to be ending. 

“Please don’t act like whatever is wrong isn’t important,” Luke took a seat in front of her. Alex and Reggie moved to either side of her. “No matter how small you think it might be, it matters if it’s upsetting you.” 

Damn Luke and his stupid uplifting statements. Statements that made any fight she had left leave and the dam broke for good. Before she could stop herself, knowing she sounded like a mess, the events of the day spilled out of her. It was choppy and there were moments of silence as she tried to get the words out. She could blame most of it on the fact that she was so emotional but she knew better. Even without the tears she would be struggling to get the words out. 

“I was so embarrassed that I just, um, I just couldn’t handle it,” Julie finished explaining. “I-I know what I sound like. She didn’t have --to point it out.” 

Silence followed but she didn’t look up from the loose thread she was picking at. She watched as Luke’s hand came up to hold hers and held tight. 

“Is that why you skipped rehearsal? Because you didn’t wanna talk?” Luke asked quietly and Julie nodded. 

“Screw that lady,” Reggie said so suddenly, and so not his normal happy self, that Julie looked up at him with wide eyes. “She had no right to say anything about how you talk. I’m not just saying this because we’re best friends, but I really love your voice.”

Before Julie could answer him, Alex took it upon himself to continue. “We don’t care that you do stutter. Most of the time we’re so focused on what you're saying than how you’re actually saying it. My little sister used to, or, um, does? I don’t know. Anyways, she stuttered. I saw how much it hurt her, when someone would mock her for it. I’m so sorry you have to deal with ignorant people.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with how you talk,” Luke added. “And it shouldn’t matter anyway. I could listen to you talk for hours, Jules. You’re so passionate about everything and it shows in your voice, no matter how it comes out. When your stuttering does act up, it’s so endearing.” 

“It makes him go all heart-eyes,” Alex leaned in and whispered. Julie felt herself blush and laughed nonetheless. 

“Dude!” Luke looked betrayed. His cheeks and tips of his ears were red. 

“It is adorable,” Reggie said, almost absentmindedly. “Her stuttering, I mean. Not Luke being all gross and lovey dovey.” 

Julie found herself smiling a bit more but the self-consciousness was still there. She knew the three of them, plus Flynn, would love her no matter how she talked. She supposes that’s the only thing that matters. If the people in her life don’t mind that it takes her a little bit longer to get what she’s thinking out, then why should anyone else's opinion matter? It’s easier said than done but it is doable. She’s done it before, surely she could do it again. 

“Thanks guys,” Julie smiled at the three of them. She suddenly felt exhausted. “Um, do you think we could skip --rehearsal though? Just for tonight?” 

“Are you asking us to skip rehearsal to nap?” Luke asked, brows furrowed. He looked so cute, it made Julie’s stomach do summersaults. 

“Yup,” She answered, already moving to lay down. 

Reggie and Alex didn’t have to be asked twice. They laid down on either side of her, Reggie wrapped an arm around her and squeezed her side. Alex reached over, pulling Luke down so he landed with an ‘umph!’ in between him and Julie. Luke’s arm joined Reggie’s across her stomach and she let herself relax, all of the day's tension leaving her. 

She felt Luke press a kiss to the top of her head and tried not to get flustered. “Get some sleep Jules.” 

“I love you guys,” Julie said as her eyes shut. “Thank you.” 

A chorus of ‘love you too’s’ answered her back. Julie felt safe and more loved surrounded by her boys than she ever remembered feeling. The last time she felt this way was before her mom died. It was a welcomed feeling. 

“Dude, you make an awesome big spoon,” Luke commented, voice barely above a whisper. 

“Thanks bro,” Alex’s amusement could be heard. 

“Y’all are adorable but please stop talking,” Reggie added in, sounding exhausted. “It’s sleep time.” 

There was some movement before silence fell over the four of them. 

Things weren’t perfect but it was a start. She knew that when she woke up her stuttering was still going to be there. It probably won’t ever go away. She read that people usually grow out of them, her mom had when she was around Julie’s age, but Julie wasn’t holding out hope. Maybe one day she’ll learn to embrace it and not care how it made her sound. She still didn’t like it but to her family it didn’t matter how she talked. 

To them, what she said was more important and for now, that’s enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> Also, thank you for the love on my other fics! I'm just, ah, anxious and never know how to answer. I do appreciate every single comment and kudos though. So thank you again!!


End file.
